Updates

I haven't updated in a while, so here I am.

It's 2010 and I've moved to the Caribbean! I love living down here, but to be frank, the stripping options are extremely limited and pretty crappy. I've been here since the end of August and since then I've done a few things to create different revenue streams so I'm not totally dependent on stripping.

However, I'm still very much a stripper and I have another strip-trip planned for next month. I'm going to a couple old standby places where I know I'll always make money. In these economic times, a little $reliability is comforting.

I was hired at a local strip club which was taken over by new owners to work as assistant manager, but unfortunately the new owners weren't very attentive to details, and the club was shut down due to lack of permits. Apparently the new owners didn't realize they had to transfer the permits to their names AND renew them every year. Unfortunately for them, they didn't let me in on the business side of things enough, or I would've been on top of that and helped them take care of it. Oh well...

Otherwise, I'm spending time at the beach, hanging out with friends old and new (I've lived here before), catching up on a few things that I've neglected, and generally going in the direction life takes me. That is what a gypsy does after all, right?

I will never understand it

No matter how long I dance or how many places I go, there are a few things about the strip club industry / experience I will never quite understand.

For example: Men go to the strip club to have a good time. This generally means not pissing people off and behaving with common courtesy, right? Yet there is a whole subset of customers who will repeatedly try to do exactly what they've been told is not allowed, and then wonder why people react negatively.

One guy paid for a private VIP dance with me tonight, and upon being seated, immediately asked "what can I do?" (always a sign he's going to be a pain in the ass). I told him "sit back and enjoy" and he of course proceeded to try to do everything else. NO you can't lick me. NO you can't suck my nipples. NO you can't put your hands on me during the dance - it is illegal here and against club rules. NO you can't touch my crotch!!

He asked again "well what CAN I do?" Again I responded that he could sit back, relax and enjoy the dance, and added that he'd get a much better dance if he'd just relax and let me do my thing.

Then of course he asked me what *I* get out of it. I guess he never thought about the fact that I'm doing it for the MONEY. I flat out said, "I get the money". At that point I could see the frustration on his face. He wanted to hear how much I'd LOVE for him to lick, suck, paw and poke all over me for the duration of the 3 songs he'd paid for.

As I'd predicted, he just had to try and get a poke at my crotch again, so I stopped the dance and made him leave the VIP area before finishing his dance. We have to collect up front, so he just wasted his money.

This type of guy never seems to get it. Or he doesn't care. The strippers don't want to be licked, sucked, pawed and poked by a bunch of strangers all night long. Plus it is illegal and we don't want to go to jail or get ticketed for a sex offense, or fired.

We just want to do our jobs, and most of us are happy to do the best dance possible, if the customer would simply relax. A stripper who is constantly having to tell you no or dodge your mouth / hands can't do a very lapdance! Of course, the stripper still gets paid, which means the customer ruined his own service and basically wasted his money. I will never understand why this kind of guy doesn't get it.

Never thought I'd be so glad to return!

After 2 whole weeks of making crap and spending much more in travel costs, I am thrilled to be back in one of my consistent money-making clubs this week. I will work my butt off here and hate it, but will be thankful for the cash and the fact the club owner allows me to book in pretty much last-minute.

After this week, I'm off to Atlanta to visit a good friend, work, and enjoy a little down time. Stripping on the road does get tiresome, mostly because of the lack of company. I am a social person and strip-tripping wears on me mentally. I can handle it physically, in fact I work much more while traveling than I do when I'm "grounded" somewhere, because when not traveling I get distracted with other fun or relaxing things to do.

I'm a bit disappointed about losing so much money traveling around to clubs that had too little business, but glad to make some of my money back this week. I changed my route just to come to this club instead of where I had planned, because I couldn't afford to risk working yet another slow club and losing money another week. Besides, no one likes to work for nothing!

The last 2 weeks' income is absolutely the worst money I've ever made, by far, in my entire 14 years being a stripper. One day I made $10, and I hadn't even paid any fees (most clubs charge the strippers nightly fees). I've also had $20, $40, $50 days after fees. Not worth my time even if I weren't paying travel costs.

On the bright side, I am glad to be able to make money this week, and looking forward to getting to a city and spending time with a friend at the end of the week!

Riding a sofa on the highway

As I was driving along the interstate today, I passed a pair of motorcyclists on a road trip. Probably headed to Sturgis. One was a younger guy who seemed a bit uncomfortable and nervous, constantly checking his mirrors. The other was an older guy, probably the young one's grandpa, and he looked so relaxed on his bike he could've almost been sitting on the sofa in his livingroom instead of barreling down the highway on a 2-wheeler.

This sight reminded me of the difference between a newbie stripper and an older, more experienced one. 14 years in, I reckon I'm about as comfortable in a strip club as anyone could be. Aside from the fact I wouldn't go anywhere in public in my PJs and with unbrushed teeth, I'm about as comfy in a strip club as I am on the sofa. Much like that grandpa on the bike.

I can't remember the last time I was nervous or shy approaching a customer. I'm as at-ease on stage in the buff as I am in the shower. I hardly think about anything I have to do at work, it's second nature. A lapdance is as easy for me to perform as any other daily activity.

Unlike newer girls, who so often appear awkward and mechanical, my movements are smooth and easy. I don't have to think about it. I imagine grandpa on his bike feels the same way about riding - he hasn't had to think about shifting or checking his mirrors in years.

Upon further reflection, it's no wonder older strippers are almost always the ones making most of the money. When buying something as intimate as a lapdance, would you rather get the equivalent of a hard-riding sports car that exaggerates every bump in the road, or a well-oiled machine that shifts and rides smoothly, and just lets each mile roll pleasantly out in front of you? Obviously, the hot new sports car is fun for a spin or two, but it's the well-maintained smooth rider that keeps you happy for the long haul ;-)

Traveling stripper lifestyle

Pic: The ladies bathroom at my club of the week.

First off, I managed to get a last minute booking for the rest of this week at the same club I'm booked into for the first week of August. This is convenient because it's fairly close to next week's booking. This club is about 4000 times better than the place I just left! It is surprisingly nice inside, with proper stages and lighting, well-kept and clean public spaces, and a very spacious dressing room with lots of counters and mirrors, a refrigerator and microwave. There's even a separate smoking section so non-smokers such as myself don't have to deal with all that second-hand smoke. The club area is smoke-free. So nice!

While my traveling stripper lifestyle certainly is not boring, it is far from glamorous. No fancy hotels or awesome nightlife. It can be a gruelling schedule, so efficiency and planning are extremely important.

Distance between towns is a major consideration when booking each week on the road. Most of the clubs I work these days are in small towns and are open Monday-Saturday. As a "road girl" you work the full week, leaving only Sunday to pack up, drive to the next town and get ready for the next week.

I prefer camping over staying in hotels for a few reasons: cost-saving, living in a tent forces me to keep up at the gym because I use them for showers, I keep a better routine because the weather wakes me up before noon so I sleep right after work, and there are no bed bugs in my tent! Admittedly, I'm a bit paranoid of hotels since the bed bug incident.

Sometimes I will sleep in my minivan in a Wal-Mart parking lot. It is quite comfortable, and with the dark tinted side windows and sunshades blocking the front and rear, I have privacy while being inconspicuous in plain sight, as well as shade from the sun.

There is always wifi available somewhere so I can keep up with my internetting, locating new clubs to work, schedule planning, etc. Sometimes I find it in truckstops, laundromats, internet cafes, hotel parking lots (ha), libraries, occasionally even at the strip club!

Each week, I search the internet for campgrounds, gyms, banks, post office, health / organic food stores or cafes and wifi in the town I'm working the following week. I also research clubs and work on my route a few weeks out. Generally, you have to book work at least a month in advance so the planning process is a near-constant endeavor.

I keep everything locked in my car while camping so organization is also important. I keep my things organized each day so I don't have to waste time finding what I need for the gym or work.

My toothbrush and toothpaste live in a baggie my purse so I can brush my teeth on the go in a public bathroom or even outside using some of the bottled water I keep handy. When I first started doing this, I was a little nervous about people's reactions upon seeing me brushing my teeth where ever; however I quickly found that most people are surprisingly oblivious! If you act completely normal, most people barely notice.

My daily routine: Wake up around 10 or 11am, get to the bathroom and brush teeth, make sure I have clothes and work stuff in my work and gym bags, clean an apple, to eat as I head off to my wifi spot for the day. Internet, lunch, laundry or shopping if needed, gym, work. After work I will shower at my current gym or campground and get into my gym clothes for the next day, then bed. General work and gym/shower supplies live in those bags, so I only have to rotate clothes for the day.

I keep a bag of apples, paper towels and plastic utensils, a knife and cutting board, and protein bars in my grocery stash. I buy lunch and food for work at whatever health / grocery store I can find. I always bring healthy food to work to munch on during short breaks throughout the shift. Once weekly, I'll splurge on a nice restaurant meal or fast food to satisfy my cravings.

As you can probably see by now, it isn't difficult at all to maintain a healthy lifestyle on the road. In fact, with a bit of planning and experience, I find it easier than if I'm living in a "proper" home because I don't have time to get lazy :-)

Apparently toilet paper is a hot commodity on the road. Ha

Strip Club Fail

I just worked at the most pathetic strip club I've ever seen. The place is beyond dive.

The bartender wears slippers at work - pink (or used to be pink) house shoes. The strippers sit around playing cards with the customers (if you can call them customers, they don't buy any dances) in between their stage sets.

One of the girls fancies herself a diva but is clearly about 10 years past her prime; she works overtime trying to make herself look oh-so-important. The other was a plain drunk who couldn't function without several shots. That was their entire selection besides me.

The DJ is so useless, the strippers play their own music while he sits in the booth literally doing nothing. The bartender announces the girls with her portable mic from behind the bar. What are the girls paying the DJ for??

The diva girl lives in a camper parked behind the club. I guess that's convenient. Since the DJ doesn't even know how to use the music equipment, the girls manage the music in the computer and set up their own playlists for every set. Diva girl, pretending to be nice at the beginning of the shift, offered to load my music from my USB drive onto the computer, but instead deleted all the music from my USB! Grrrr!! Now I have to go through the files on my laptop and reload work music to the USB. Annoying.

The guys are allowed to lie on their backs on the stage for a dancer to dry hump them in front of everyone for ONE DOLLAR. Not one lapdance was sold all night. Why buy a lapdance when you can get dry-humped on stage for $1? This club reaches a whole 'nother level of pathetic that I don't remember ever seeing in my 14 years of stripping!

The dressing room is literally a storage room with a couple mirrors and some old room divider thrown in. Notice the vacuum cleaner in the one pic - I'd bet that thing hasn't been used in 10 years. LOL. The pics in this post are all from the dressing room, and the pics just don't convey how terrible it is. The usable space in there is about 5 feet by 6 feet. Not exactly user-friendly.

The place is a disaster all around. The pole feels like it's about to fall down any second. Nasty, grimy bathrooms that look like they haven't been cleaned since the Vietnam war. The pool table had dead bugs of various species all over the felt. I'm sure that makes for some interesting pool games!

I finally walked out of the place with a whopping $10, and I didn't even have to pay any fees! Needless to say, I will not be back to this club. $10 is not worth rolling out of bed for, certainly not worth taking clothes off.

Now I have to find somewhere to work the rest of this week, because I'm in yet another podunk town and my next booking starts Monday, July 27. Hmmmm, where to work??