Recently at work I introduced myself to a customer who almost immediately started asking if I could "get rough" in a private dance. Now, I am not a professional dominatrix by any stretch of the imagination, but I can play the part when necessary. (I should add here that I was wearing a fetishy sort of outfit that night so I guess I looked the part.) And I must admit, it's enjoyable for me. heee
Anyway, got the guy back to VIP room and started to dance. Right away he wanted me to knee him in the balls. I told him to "say please, motherfucker!" He complied. I kneed him in the crotch with medium force. "Is that all you got??" said he. Grabbing him by the hair and yanking his head back, "hell no asshole, I'm just getting started!" said I. Another knee to the crotch, harder.
We continued this way for the length of the VIP session. Him asking for more aggression, me readily providing. I slapped his face, pulled his hair, dug my nails into his skin, dug my heel into his thigh, etc. At one point he asked if he could call me a bitch. I grabbed him by the hair again, yanked his head back and hissed in his face, "I AM a bitch." He responded with "knee me in the balls, you bitch!!" I of course did so, to which he almost yelled, "harder!" 3 more times.
At the end of the session he stood up straight and tall, thanked me heartily and went about his merry way.
Disclaimer: I do not recommend anyone start kneeing or otherwise hitting men in the balls or crotch, even if asked. A bit of knowledge and skill are required to do it properly, avoiding injury. I would never randomly wail some guy in the nuts either! Well, unless he really deserves it, LOL! No, really :-P
I must say, the fact that this little incident came just after I had a minor tiff with a manager and was a bit pissed off made it all the more satisfying. Thank you, Mr Ballbusted Guy!
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Strip club secret shoppers
Yes, you read that right. I have heard and participated in good-natured banter about a job like this. People say things like, "man I'd LOVE to get paid to travel around getting lapdances!" Who wouldn't? I reckon most people would love to be able to get lapdances on a regular basis, period, but to actually get paid for it?? Best. Job. EVAR!
Back to my story. I went in to work the other night (I've recently started a new club) and one of the managers came to me quietly and said that the club owner employs shoppers to check up on the staff and dancers, and that I got a really good review. Cool! Nice to know the ownership of this place cares enough about the business to do something like that. Most club owners couldn't care less how things are going as long as there is cash to collect daily/weekly/monthly, which means most clubs are generally poorly run, terrible excuses for a business. In my experience, most clubs are better described as private ATM machines which are sucked dry as efficiently as possible and left to languish in stripper hell until closed or sold.
But not this club. It's been around for decades and apparently continues to be profitable. The fact the place is treated like a real business was immediately obvious to me. The managers actually watch what's going on and keep things (mostly) in line. Staff and dancers do what they're supposed to do. However we are not micro-managed to death either. Of course nothing is perfect but I can't begin to say how much more pleasant it is to work in a generally professional environment, rather than the giant free-for-all (or micro-management corpo-fuck HELL) that is most clubs.
And, I love that I was able to make a good impression on at least some of The Right People at this club so easily, just by doing what I always do at work, which does not ever involve kissing ass or excessive palm-greasing (or, contrary to the beliefs of some, intra-office "favors"). Thankyouverymuch.
But back to the whole strip club secret shopper thing. I have seen shopper reports in other service businesses, so I can imagine the report one might turn in after shopping a strip club.
Were you greeted pleasantly at the door? Yes the doorgirl who took my money was really cute.
Did the waitress bring your drink efficiently and in a friendly manner? Yes she was fast with my drinks and even offered me change! And she was very attractive.
Were you approached by any entertainers? If so, were they friendly and sexy, and did they wait until you'd received your first drink? No strippers approached until I had my first drink. 2 different girls approached within 10 minutes. They were both attractive and friendly but the first did not fit my preference. The second one was really hot so I bought my dance from her.
How was your lapdance? Were you offered any "extras"? Did the entertainer break any rules or laws? The stripper gave a very good lapdance. She did not offer "extras". I tested to see if she would let me grope her and she moved my hands in a very nice way. Her dance was excellent, but she did not break rules or laws that I know of. She had a great rack.
Haaaaaaa
Back to my story. I went in to work the other night (I've recently started a new club) and one of the managers came to me quietly and said that the club owner employs shoppers to check up on the staff and dancers, and that I got a really good review. Cool! Nice to know the ownership of this place cares enough about the business to do something like that. Most club owners couldn't care less how things are going as long as there is cash to collect daily/weekly/monthly, which means most clubs are generally poorly run, terrible excuses for a business. In my experience, most clubs are better described as private ATM machines which are sucked dry as efficiently as possible and left to languish in stripper hell until closed or sold.
But not this club. It's been around for decades and apparently continues to be profitable. The fact the place is treated like a real business was immediately obvious to me. The managers actually watch what's going on and keep things (mostly) in line. Staff and dancers do what they're supposed to do. However we are not micro-managed to death either. Of course nothing is perfect but I can't begin to say how much more pleasant it is to work in a generally professional environment, rather than the giant free-for-all (or micro-management corpo-fuck HELL) that is most clubs.
And, I love that I was able to make a good impression on at least some of The Right People at this club so easily, just by doing what I always do at work, which does not ever involve kissing ass or excessive palm-greasing (or, contrary to the beliefs of some, intra-office "favors"). Thankyouverymuch.
But back to the whole strip club secret shopper thing. I have seen shopper reports in other service businesses, so I can imagine the report one might turn in after shopping a strip club.
Were you greeted pleasantly at the door? Yes the doorgirl who took my money was really cute.
Did the waitress bring your drink efficiently and in a friendly manner? Yes she was fast with my drinks and even offered me change! And she was very attractive.
Were you approached by any entertainers? If so, were they friendly and sexy, and did they wait until you'd received your first drink? No strippers approached until I had my first drink. 2 different girls approached within 10 minutes. They were both attractive and friendly but the first did not fit my preference. The second one was really hot so I bought my dance from her.
How was your lapdance? Were you offered any "extras"? Did the entertainer break any rules or laws? The stripper gave a very good lapdance. She did not offer "extras". I tested to see if she would let me grope her and she moved my hands in a very nice way. Her dance was excellent, but she did not break rules or laws that I know of. She had a great rack.
Haaaaaaa
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Stripper Jargon
There are tons of terms those of us in the industry use in everyday conversation, which most "regular" folk probably don't understand. I am specifically writing about female strip clubs, although many of these terms are used in male or mixed strip clubs as well. Here's a list, with definitions:
Customers
PL - Pathetic Loser. Mostly used in online stripper forums in reference to any paying customer. This is not a derogatory term, but something which has been adopted by industry workers and customers alike. More specifically, we often use it to refer to those customers who spend more than average amounts on strippers.
ATM - see PL above. Might also refer to the machine used to withdraw cash from credit and debit card accounts.
Custy - short for customer.
Regular (reg) - a customer who comes to the club regularly or frequently. Could be a Club Regular (who may or may not spend money at all, but if so, spends on no particular girl) or a Dancer's Regular, who specifically goes to the club seeking entertainment from a certain girl.
White Knight - also known as Captain Save a Ho. The type of customer who thinks strippers want or need to be rescued from the life of stripping or some part of it. May or may not spend money on strippers' services but always annoys us. His perception of strippers is far more negative than he cares to admit, and even though we'll take his money, we resent this guy for believing we're so weak.
Money
Funny money - the fake money many clubs use to allow customers to pay for services inside the strip club using their credit or debit cards. There is a fee for this, of course, usually anywhere from 10-25% charged to customers, or strippers, or both. From my experience, most clubs charge 10% to the customer to buy the stuff, and another 10% to the strippers for cashing it. Funny money may be called all sorts of cheesy names which are club- or chain-specific, such as Diva Dollars.
Tipout - the money strippers are required to pay to strip club staff each shift. Sometimes interchanged with the term HouseFee. These fees can be mandatory pre-set fees/percentages or "suggested minimums". The amount the girls pay greatly affects their working relationships with club staff and can sometimes mean the difference between turning a profit and being run out of the club penniless.
House Fee - the money strippers are required to pay to the club in order to work. Sometimes called Stage Fee, Floor Fee or Rent. Can be in the form of flat fees, percentages or both, and can vary greatly by area, club, season and time of day.
Off-stage fee - in some clubs, the money strippers may pay to be left off the stage rotation in order to concentrate solely on working the floor.
Facility and Services
Floor - the floor. The general open area of the club where stages and bars are located, customers sit and strippers entertain and sell services. The main club area. "Working the floor" refers to dancers approaching customers to sell services.
Dressing room (DR) - separate room(s) where strippers change clothes before and after their shifts. Also used as a break room. May or may not contain a bathroom designated for the strippers. Sometimes contains the only ladies bathroom in the building, so female customers have to traipse through the dressing room to pee.
Pervert Row - the immediate area around the stage where customers who want the best view of stage performances sit (you are expected to tip the girls on stage if you sit here). There is often a rail or ledge of some sort along the perimeter - called the Tip Rail (or just the Rail) or the Rack. In some places the tip rail may also be called the Meat Rack. To my knowledge, Pervert Row is not location-specific, but Tip Rail, Rack and Meat Rack are.
Lap room - in some clubs, the designated area where lap dances are performed. Usually in back or upstairs of club.
Lap dance (LD) - a service strippers sell in which they remove some or all clothing and dance/grind/writhe on a customer's lap. Usually sold by the song, may be performed at the customer's table or in a designated lap dance area.
Table dance - similar to a lap dance except it's generally not performed on the customer's lap. May also be called an Air Dance because a certain amount of air is kept between customer and dancer ;-) Usually performed at the customer's table.
VIP - can be used to describe many different things in a strip club, but it's generally a more exclusive and private area of the club where customers can purchase dances and time with dancers, often at higher prices than on the floor. In some cases the VIP is just a more exclusive area for customers the club considers "special" to sit and feel important.
Champagne Room (CR) - a specific type of VIP area where customers usually pay for blocks of time with strippers. Entertainment in the CR can consist of anything from conversation to sexual services. Usually it just involves a higher mileage lapdance.
ClubSpeak
Set - the time/music a stripper uses on stage. Usually 1-3 songs in the US. In some places a set lasts up to 20 minutes.
Cattle Call - the annoying promo some clubs use to present all the dancers working that night all at once, on stage. This may be done once nightly, only on weekends, several times per shift, at designated times, or whenever the manager feels like it.
Mileage - refers to how much "action" (contact) is provided during a dance.
YMMV - Your Mileage May Vary. In the strip club context, usually means that mileage (contact) varies between areas, clubs, dancers and customers depending on a variety of factors. May also be used to express that everyone's experience (with whatever) will be different.
Extras - services above and beyond the norm of a lap or table dance. Could be anything from touching to full on fucking, depending on what's common in the area/club. May or may not involve an extra charge - some girls are stupid enough to do it for the same price as a regular dance because they are shitty saleswomen.
Workers
Feature - a stripper who has made a name for herself usually by obtaining abnormally large breast implants and/or doing lots of porn movies, magazine spreads, etc. May or may not use more sophisticated costumes and props during stage shows. Features are paid to perform scheduled stage shows at different clubs for anywhere from 1 night to 1 week. They often sell promo items such as polaroid photos, posters and videos in between stage sets.
House dancer - a non-feature stripper. House girls are generally not paid by the clubs (they pay the clubs for use of the facilities as an outlet for selling services). They may or may not dance on stage, depending on club policy and their own preferences.
House mom - woman stationed in the dressing room of many clubs to perform various services for club/dancers. She may be nothing more than a costume/toiletry seller, or a manager type who does dancer scheduling, collects house fees and helps enforce club policy on strippers. Often serves as a mediator between strippers and club staff.
Floorman or floorwalker - male club employee stationed on the club floor to serve as bouncer, dance counter, host, etc, depending on club policy.
Dance counter - the club employee responsible for counting all lap/table/VIP dances performed, usually so the club managers know how much to collect from dancers at the end of their shift in the form of dance cuts. Dance counters are normally only seen in clubs which collect a cut of each dance the strippers sell.
Host or hostess - in some clubs, the club employee who helps sell VIP and/or bottle service to customers, and who often lines up selected girls (ie, those who tip most) to entertain VIP customers. Hosts work on tips from both customers and dancers, and make as much money or more than the strippers. Read, pimp.
Customers
PL - Pathetic Loser. Mostly used in online stripper forums in reference to any paying customer. This is not a derogatory term, but something which has been adopted by industry workers and customers alike. More specifically, we often use it to refer to those customers who spend more than average amounts on strippers.
ATM - see PL above. Might also refer to the machine used to withdraw cash from credit and debit card accounts.
Custy - short for customer.
Regular (reg) - a customer who comes to the club regularly or frequently. Could be a Club Regular (who may or may not spend money at all, but if so, spends on no particular girl) or a Dancer's Regular, who specifically goes to the club seeking entertainment from a certain girl.
White Knight - also known as Captain Save a Ho. The type of customer who thinks strippers want or need to be rescued from the life of stripping or some part of it. May or may not spend money on strippers' services but always annoys us. His perception of strippers is far more negative than he cares to admit, and even though we'll take his money, we resent this guy for believing we're so weak.
Money
Funny money - the fake money many clubs use to allow customers to pay for services inside the strip club using their credit or debit cards. There is a fee for this, of course, usually anywhere from 10-25% charged to customers, or strippers, or both. From my experience, most clubs charge 10% to the customer to buy the stuff, and another 10% to the strippers for cashing it. Funny money may be called all sorts of cheesy names which are club- or chain-specific, such as Diva Dollars.
Tipout - the money strippers are required to pay to strip club staff each shift. Sometimes interchanged with the term HouseFee. These fees can be mandatory pre-set fees/percentages or "suggested minimums". The amount the girls pay greatly affects their working relationships with club staff and can sometimes mean the difference between turning a profit and being run out of the club penniless.
House Fee - the money strippers are required to pay to the club in order to work. Sometimes called Stage Fee, Floor Fee or Rent. Can be in the form of flat fees, percentages or both, and can vary greatly by area, club, season and time of day.
Off-stage fee - in some clubs, the money strippers may pay to be left off the stage rotation in order to concentrate solely on working the floor.
Facility and Services
Floor - the floor. The general open area of the club where stages and bars are located, customers sit and strippers entertain and sell services. The main club area. "Working the floor" refers to dancers approaching customers to sell services.
Dressing room (DR) - separate room(s) where strippers change clothes before and after their shifts. Also used as a break room. May or may not contain a bathroom designated for the strippers. Sometimes contains the only ladies bathroom in the building, so female customers have to traipse through the dressing room to pee.
Pervert Row - the immediate area around the stage where customers who want the best view of stage performances sit (you are expected to tip the girls on stage if you sit here). There is often a rail or ledge of some sort along the perimeter - called the Tip Rail (or just the Rail) or the Rack. In some places the tip rail may also be called the Meat Rack. To my knowledge, Pervert Row is not location-specific, but Tip Rail, Rack and Meat Rack are.
Lap room - in some clubs, the designated area where lap dances are performed. Usually in back or upstairs of club.
Lap dance (LD) - a service strippers sell in which they remove some or all clothing and dance/grind/writhe on a customer's lap. Usually sold by the song, may be performed at the customer's table or in a designated lap dance area.
Table dance - similar to a lap dance except it's generally not performed on the customer's lap. May also be called an Air Dance because a certain amount of air is kept between customer and dancer ;-) Usually performed at the customer's table.
VIP - can be used to describe many different things in a strip club, but it's generally a more exclusive and private area of the club where customers can purchase dances and time with dancers, often at higher prices than on the floor. In some cases the VIP is just a more exclusive area for customers the club considers "special" to sit and feel important.
Champagne Room (CR) - a specific type of VIP area where customers usually pay for blocks of time with strippers. Entertainment in the CR can consist of anything from conversation to sexual services. Usually it just involves a higher mileage lapdance.
ClubSpeak
Set - the time/music a stripper uses on stage. Usually 1-3 songs in the US. In some places a set lasts up to 20 minutes.
Cattle Call - the annoying promo some clubs use to present all the dancers working that night all at once, on stage. This may be done once nightly, only on weekends, several times per shift, at designated times, or whenever the manager feels like it.
Mileage - refers to how much "action" (contact) is provided during a dance.
YMMV - Your Mileage May Vary. In the strip club context, usually means that mileage (contact) varies between areas, clubs, dancers and customers depending on a variety of factors. May also be used to express that everyone's experience (with whatever) will be different.
Extras - services above and beyond the norm of a lap or table dance. Could be anything from touching to full on fucking, depending on what's common in the area/club. May or may not involve an extra charge - some girls are stupid enough to do it for the same price as a regular dance because they are shitty saleswomen.
Workers
Feature - a stripper who has made a name for herself usually by obtaining abnormally large breast implants and/or doing lots of porn movies, magazine spreads, etc. May or may not use more sophisticated costumes and props during stage shows. Features are paid to perform scheduled stage shows at different clubs for anywhere from 1 night to 1 week. They often sell promo items such as polaroid photos, posters and videos in between stage sets.
House dancer - a non-feature stripper. House girls are generally not paid by the clubs (they pay the clubs for use of the facilities as an outlet for selling services). They may or may not dance on stage, depending on club policy and their own preferences.
House mom - woman stationed in the dressing room of many clubs to perform various services for club/dancers. She may be nothing more than a costume/toiletry seller, or a manager type who does dancer scheduling, collects house fees and helps enforce club policy on strippers. Often serves as a mediator between strippers and club staff.
Floorman or floorwalker - male club employee stationed on the club floor to serve as bouncer, dance counter, host, etc, depending on club policy.
Dance counter - the club employee responsible for counting all lap/table/VIP dances performed, usually so the club managers know how much to collect from dancers at the end of their shift in the form of dance cuts. Dance counters are normally only seen in clubs which collect a cut of each dance the strippers sell.
Host or hostess - in some clubs, the club employee who helps sell VIP and/or bottle service to customers, and who often lines up selected girls (ie, those who tip most) to entertain VIP customers. Hosts work on tips from both customers and dancers, and make as much money or more than the strippers. Read, pimp.
Inspiration
She wore a long red dress and red heels, with just the front of her light brown hair pulled back in a barrette. Very little makeup. She was cute, with an infectious smile and blue eyes that flirted with everyone in the room. There was mischief and fun written all over her face. I immediately saw myself in her.
I don't remember her name but I'll never forget her face, or the way she captured my attention the instant she hit the stage. She seemed to come out of nowhere (I like to think she must've just jumped off some PL's lap somewhere in the back and run up front to make her set). She danced her two songs, gracefully accepted an ovation, and headed straight for the table where I sat. She must've noticed how mesmerized I was.
After brief intros she told us the rundown - that club used what's known as a drink hustle along with table dances and VIP rooms from which the girls (and club) could make money. More interested in talking with this girl, we bought her the medium-sized drink (for which she received half the price in commission). This and a tip for her and the waitress bought us about 15 minutes of the stripper's undivided attention.
She was very friendly, talkative, seemed to thoroughly enjoy her job. In the short time she spent at our table, she unknowingly helped to dispel all negative ideas I'd held about strippers and the job of stripping up to that time. Not at all what I'd expected when I reluctantly agreed to go into that strip club that night. Since then I've wished many times I could see her or speak to her again. I don't quite know what I'd say to her, but I would love the opportunity to figure it out. That girl unknowingly helped change my whole life.
Two weeks, a few exploratory trips to other strip clubs, and the purchase of one $25 purple stripper thong and a pair of cheesy amateur heels later, I hit the stage myself. Since then I have seen and learned so many things I never would've had the opportunity to see otherwise. Stripping has taken me to places I could've never gone had I not jumped on that stage. My eyes have been opened to worlds I might never have known existed. I've done things most people only dream about, met people and tasted foods which I likely never would have been exposed to had I led a "normal" life.
Of course I always had it in me, but it took meeting that girl in the long red dress to get me started on this path. I guess it's no wonder my all-time favorite stripper outfits are long red dresses.
I don't remember her name but I'll never forget her face, or the way she captured my attention the instant she hit the stage. She seemed to come out of nowhere (I like to think she must've just jumped off some PL's lap somewhere in the back and run up front to make her set). She danced her two songs, gracefully accepted an ovation, and headed straight for the table where I sat. She must've noticed how mesmerized I was.
After brief intros she told us the rundown - that club used what's known as a drink hustle along with table dances and VIP rooms from which the girls (and club) could make money. More interested in talking with this girl, we bought her the medium-sized drink (for which she received half the price in commission). This and a tip for her and the waitress bought us about 15 minutes of the stripper's undivided attention.
She was very friendly, talkative, seemed to thoroughly enjoy her job. In the short time she spent at our table, she unknowingly helped to dispel all negative ideas I'd held about strippers and the job of stripping up to that time. Not at all what I'd expected when I reluctantly agreed to go into that strip club that night. Since then I've wished many times I could see her or speak to her again. I don't quite know what I'd say to her, but I would love the opportunity to figure it out. That girl unknowingly helped change my whole life.
Two weeks, a few exploratory trips to other strip clubs, and the purchase of one $25 purple stripper thong and a pair of cheesy amateur heels later, I hit the stage myself. Since then I have seen and learned so many things I never would've had the opportunity to see otherwise. Stripping has taken me to places I could've never gone had I not jumped on that stage. My eyes have been opened to worlds I might never have known existed. I've done things most people only dream about, met people and tasted foods which I likely never would have been exposed to had I led a "normal" life.
Of course I always had it in me, but it took meeting that girl in the long red dress to get me started on this path. I guess it's no wonder my all-time favorite stripper outfits are long red dresses.
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